“The long-distance relationship is, by definition, doomed. The only way a long-distance relationship can amount to anything is for it to become a short-distance relationship. Distance may be fine for relatives and old friends, but when it comes to romantic love- that mysterious chemical reaction that’s set off when two people occupy the same physical space- the long-distance relationship is a poor excuse for the real thing. To have a long-distance relationship is to go only halfway there. It is to talk love’s gooey baby talk but not walk its rocky path. It is, literally, to phone it in.
To believe in the fidelity of a disembodied voice, to be as smitten with someone’s absence as you are with his presence, is to be a true romantic. It is to live for the future. It is to believe in the impossible, or at least the improbable. It is to hold out hope that something’s going to change someday, that all this impracticality will eventually give way to something radical, something brave, something involving a moving van. Until then, you wait. You make use of the time. You work, see your friends, completely redo the bathroom. You’re a pillar of productivity. It’s not a bad lifestyle- except for those phone bills.
But, oh, the fondness that can bloom in a heart that knows so much absence! Is there any emotion richer than longing, any moment more heartbreaking than the moment you put down the telephone receiver after a marathon call with the one you love but for whatever reason are not with? Long-distance relationships have an urgency that couples in short-distance relationships can only dream of. Every second together counts. Every shared meal is savored; every kiss must be good enough to last weeks, maybe even months. We should all be so lucky to seal in our memories the image of our lover on our doorstep, suitcase in hand, clothes wrinkled from a long trip, skin emanating a scent that we’ve forgotten but suddenly comes rushing back, bringing with it the recollection of the last time, which was too long ago and too brief, and ended with a tearful goodbye on this same doorstep.
Because contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful; it’s for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough. Yes, the long-distance relationship may be doomed. You can’t go on that way forever. But as long as you do, you’ll embody the twin virtues of independence and imagination. As you fall asleep alone, you’ll conjure the scent of your lover’s neck, the timbre of a voice over fiber optics, the ecstasy of seeing his face at the front door, which, thanks to him, is your favorite place in the whole house. After so much time apart, a suitcase itself is an aphrodisiac. The boy next door doesn’t have a prayer.”
- Meghan Daum’s collection of essays, My Misspent Youth.
